The Man in the Bear”
Written By: Hart Hanson and Laura Wolner
(Cause he gets it ^^^^^)
So B&B are given a case where human remains are found in a bear. Brennan is all smug because Booth was given the case because of his work with her….until Booth reveals they are being sent to Washington state to investigate. Brennan is not happy!
BRENNAN: Why is Booth the one who decides we go to Washington state? He gets the gun and the authority; he’s the one that people like.
GOODMAN: Firstly, he didn’t decide that you go to Washington state, he made a request. I am the one who decides where you do or do not go.
BRENNAN: And secondly?
GOODMAN: Secondly, it’s time to live a little Temperance, connect with other people.
BRENNAN: Are you suggesting I take this opportunity to have sex with Booth on a field trip?
GOODMAN: Good god, where is Dr. Freud when you need him?
BRENNAN: I don’t understand what you’re saying.
GOODMAN: Which is precisely why I am sending you to the Great North woods. Come on now, you’ve partially digested dismembered skeletal remains to examine, that should put a smile on your face.
Soon, B&B are bickering on their way to the crime scene. Booth is getting annoyed at the disparity in their work reimbursements.
BOOTH: You know being cooped up in crappy hotel in the middle of nowhere, with a fifty dollar per diem, is not my idea of a good time either, you know.
BRENNAN: You only get fifty dollars a day? How can you live on that?
BOOTH: OK, What do you mean, what do you get?
BRENNAN: I don’t have a limit, just give them the receipts.
BOOTH: Now, you have to have a limit, everyone has a limit, we work for the government.
BRENNAN. Yeah … I don’t have a limit.
BOOTH: But, it’s not fair. It’s not fair to the tax payers…you’re like one of those thousand dollars toilet seats.
BRENNAN: I imagine I am treated differently than you b/c I have an indispensable skill.
BOOTH: Indispensable … I do not need you.
BRENNAN: Oh, so you can determine the origin of the kerf marks as well as the sex and age of the victim?
BOOTH: You know you’re a smart ass, you know that?
BRENNAN: Objectively I’d say I’m very smart, although it has nothing to do with my ass.
BOOTH: You know what? I’ll tell you what … you can take me out to dinner. Put me on your tab.
BRENNAN: That doesn’t seem ethical.
BOOTH: You still want that gun now, don’t you? Hm?
BRENNAN: We’ll start with breakfast.
Their bickering turns serious when Brennan challenges him about town size and he reveals she’s not the only one who’s traveled around the world for her job.
BOOTH: Small town America; gotta love it.
BRENNAN: This is not a small town. Chiantla, Guatemala, 150 people, no running water. That’s a small town.
BOOTH: I said small town America, not small town Guatemala. And I’ve been there too, by the way.
BRENNAN: What took you to Guatemala? Eco-tourism?
BOOTH: I went down to shoot somebody through the heart from 1500 feet.
Soon, Brennan starts catching the eye of the men in the small town. Enter the UPS guy, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Hey, Temperance Brennan…I’m reading your book. It gave me a few ideas if I ever want to kill someone and get rid of the body.
A problem Brennan will have later, but moving on…
The sheriff tries to hit up Brennan as well:
SHERIFF: Can I help you?
BRENNAN: Yeah, thanks, I’m with him (points to Booth).
SHERIFF: Suddenly I wish I was FBI.
But Booth isn’t having it.
BOOTH: Oh, yeah, now that you’ve met Bones, you’re all about the inter-agency cooperation.
SHERIFF: Bones? Now I don’t think that’s anyway to talk to a lady.
BRENNAN: Thank you.
SHERIFF: Do you have dinner plans?
BOOTH: We’re working.
Meanwhile, Hodgins and Zach are going back and forth as usual at the lab!
HODGINS: How did a bear open up a suitcase?
ZACK: I saw a documentary once where a bear got into a car and drove away.
HODGINS: That was not a documentary, it was a cartoon.
Then the cute delivery girl gives them a new competition, because Hodgins swoops in and takes delivery of the box meant for Zach…
ZACK: You bogarted my package.
HODGINS: You panicked and froze my man, thus the package came into play. Also incorrect use of verb bogarted.
You know how Angela needed to hear her job description by Goodman’s deep voice? Apparently Brennan likes a Native American voice…
SHERMAN: Ever hear of the Bone Gatherers? Collecting bones so that the dead can make the journey to the next world?
BRENNAN: Not even sure I believe in the next world.
SHERMAN: Doesn’t matter what you believe in. You’re a Bone Gatherer, that’s a good thing helping the spirits move on.
BRENNAN: Thank you. That’s probably the best job description I’ll ever get.
Of course, Charlie is still trying to put the moves on Brennan:
CHARLIE: Do you do all the stuff the girl in your book does?
BRENNAN: I’m slightly uncomfortable discussing that with you.
CHARLIE: No, I’m not talking about the sex…I’m talking about the running, and the shooting. I mean, if you do all that other stuff that’s great too for you and…uh…whoever you’re doing it with.
Sorry Charlie, it will take a good six seasons before they do ALL the stuff from her books!
Brennan displays her great social conversational skills…
SHERIFF: Have you ever…?
BRENNAN: I’ve never been offered human flesh before.
BOOTH: Maybe if you’ve had?
BRENNAN: It’s an interesting question. I would have to measure my own social inculcation against objective scientific inquiry.
BOOTH: Ok, that’s sick.
It’s not going any better at the lab, though…
ZACK: Yes, and these drag marks is where the flesh was ripped right off the bone.
ANGELA: Ugh, it’s like a zombie movie.
HODGINS: Where is my bear poop?
And the King of the Lab jostling continues-
HODGINS: She likes me more than she likes you.
ZACK: She said I was sweet.
HODGINS: I made her laugh. We have a tentative coffee date.
ZACK: She said she wanted to eat me up.
Just as Booth gets territorial over the Washington guys and his Bones, Brennan doesn’t like her friend making any moves on her FBI agent!
ANGELA: Hey Booth, I’ve got a thing for tattoos, you got any?
BRENNAN: (stern voice) Angela.
As the case progresses, Angela is able to focus on the important things…
ANGELA: So, did you catch the guy?
BRENNAN: No, Booth lost him in the woods.
BOOTH: Whoa, wait a second, I didn’t lose him.
BRENNAN: You didn’t catch him.
ANGELA: So you two have the night free?
BOOTH: Give me the phone.
BRENNAN: It’s not safe to drive and talk on the cell phone.
ANGELA: Are you two fighting?
BOOTH: Professional pride, tell her. Please tell her that.
BRENNAN: Booth wants you to know that he lost the guy because his flashlight died.
BOOTH: And because he’s an Indian and he’s a park ranger and he’s very very familiar with the territory, tell her that.
BRENNAN: Did you hear that?
ANGELA: Yeah, something about Indian territory?
BOOTH: Give me the phone…hold on… (takes phone from Brennan)
BOOTH: Plus you know what? It wasn’t even my flashlight ok? It was the Sheriff’s flashlight and his batteries they ran out, ok?
BRENNAN: Good night Angela.
ANGELA: Hey, you have to take that man for a drink…and have a little fun yourself.
Of course, Brennan is the belle of the ball in this small town bar. Every suspect gets a turn around the floor with her until Booth cuts in…I’m sure for ONLY professional reasons…
BRENNAN: What happened to your shirt?
BOOTH: Well, we’re in a bar, it’s a look.
BRENNAN: Everybody is pumping me.
BRENNAN: For information on the case.
BOOTH: Bones, they’re only pretending to be interested in the case.
BOOTH: They’re hitting on you.
BRENNAN: Are you sure?
BOOTH: Yes, I’m sure. You’re the hottest thing this town has seen in a long time.
That makes two of you, Booth.
And Hodgins is feeling it back at the lab.
ANGELA: Want to get something to eat?
ANGELA: Ah, you’re expecting a delivery tonight.
HODGINS: Zack is.
ANGELA: And you’re going to zoom him.
HODGINS: Like the Indy 500 baby!
And apparently B&B parted ways at the end of the night, because Booth is cranky this morning about it!!
BOOTH: You didn’t come down for breakfast Bones.
BRENNAN: Wasn’t hungry. Sorry you had to pay for your own meal.
BOOTH: Called your room, there was no answer.
BRENNAN: Why the sudden interest in my morning habits, Booth?
BOOTH: Well, I just thought we were going to get something to eat. And, you know…so I waited and my eggs got cold. Cold eggs.
B&B are learning that everyone in this town is crazy…
DENISE: We consume or we’re consumed. We’re consumed by greed, by ambition, lust, jealousy… Even, just regular love is a form of cannibalism. I mean the whole perfect idea of love is that two people become one…now that’s a kind of consumption. And let me tell ya, if I ate Adam, there wouldn’t be anything left.
**So, did B&B “consume’ each other? How does Denise’s theory hold up?**
BOOTH: And the whole rant thing the vet lady had about people consuming each other, that was wacky.
BRENNAN: Yeah, but kind of true, don’t you think?
**Hm….why does Brennan agree? Is it because at this point, she is so anti-permanent relationships? Does she secretly want to become one with a person like that? Is this what scares her off of the whole thing till season 6??**
No time to consider these things, because Brennan figures out it’s the doctor who is the cannibal.
BRENNAN: Rigby didn’t miss it …moments like this is why I need a gun. (Booth stops and bends down to unstrap a gun that is against his ankle) Where else do you keep them?
BOOTH: That is for self defense, so you don’t just go blasting away in there.
BRENNAN: What if I have to shoot? What part of the body should I hit?
BOOTH: The part that isn’t me…just stay back.
Brennan ends up clocking Dr. Rigby with a bedpan lol
Back at the lab, Angela can’t wait to see who is King of the Delivery Girl…
HODGINS: What are you doing here?
ANGELA: You kidding? It’s like watching the clash of the horny titans.
But the delivery gal surprises them by picking Angela. Hodgins is not disappointed, but Zack is.
HODGINS: That is so hot!
ZACK: Why, why is that hot? It’d be hotter if she chosen me.
We end with a B&B wrap-up convo. Brennan ponders her version of the chicken-and-the-egg conundrum:
BOOTH: The guy is nuts.
BRENNAN: Yes, but is he nuts because he got a brain disease from eating human flesh or was he already nuts the first time he ate flesh or did he just lick his fingers after surgery?
So Brennan doesn’t take the opportunity to get to know Booth better on this trip (in the way Angela and Goodman were hoping!) but she does take the easy route and talks to non-risky UPS guy Charlie:
BRENNAN: You know, I’m going to come back up here this winter. Charlie says the skiing is great.
BOOTH: Oh, so it’s Charlie.
BRENNAN: Yeah, the overnight guy.
BOOTH: Yeah, I know who he is.
BRENNAN: I bet he’s a great skier…his hips and thighs are perfectly developed for strength and maneuverability.
BOOTH: That’s good…I’m done.
BRENNAN: What? Not good? Want some cornflakes? Want some?
No, Brennan, he doesn’t want your cornflakes. He wants to have little Boothy babies with you. But, as we know, everything happens eventually! 🙂
Thoughts? Questions? Concerns?