Written By: Karine Rosenthal
Directed By: Thomas J. Wright
BOOTH: They found the victim in the filtration system. Just, you know, some bones, and nobody knows what to make of ’em.
BRENNAN: I mean, look at this. Millions of tax dollars are spent to clean and treat tap water and yet people spend billions on bottled water.
BOOTH: Well, it’s cleaner. Look, it comes from a clean mountain stream.
BRENNAN: Yeah, which contains fecal matter from animals.
Good point, Brennan.
The team investigates. The victim appears to be a child but with fake teeth and bleached hair.
ANGELA: I hate working with kids. Childhood should be all about swings.
ANGELA: Yeah. You know, how high can I go? If I twist the chains, how fast will I spin?
HODGINS: What if I try to jump off before the swing stops?
HODGINS: I miss that feeling.
ANGELA: Yeah, me too.
BRENNAN: I miss organic chemistry class. Those were good times.
ZACK: I miss my first microscope.
BOOTH: Great. Yeah. And I miss normal people. Can we go on?
The team finds out it was a beauty pageant girl who’d gone missing. Hodgins brings Angela some evidence but that’s not all he wants to say…
HODGINS: Listen … Angela.
HODGINS: We’ve been … dancing around this for months now … like two pieces of neodymium caught in a magnetic field.
ANGELA: Is that good?
HODGINS: Yeah. But if the field weakens, they fly apart. Which is why I thought they should go on a date.
ANGELA: Hodgins —
HODGINS: You can’t say that you don’t feel it.
HODGINS: Come on, we owe it to ourselves to give it a try.
ANGELA: I — I just don’t think it– would be a good idea.
ANGELA: I mean, we work together, Jack.
HODGINS: Angela …
ANGELA: I’m sorry.
Meanwhile the team discusses the things people do for beauty.
BRENNAN: People have done much worse for beauty — neck stretching, foot binding …
BOOTH: Okay. And you’re saying that makes it okay.
BRENNAN: Well, of course not. Any major alteration of our underlying architecture demeans us. You know, we all have aspects of ourselves we might wish were different.
ZACK: Yes. I wanted larger biceps before I became comfortable with my mental acuity.
Brennan tries her hand at interrogation with the victim’s mother.
BRENNAN: Did you ever think to tell Brianna that she didn’t need to alter her physical appearance in order to be loved?
BOOTH: Did Brianna disappoint you somehow?
JACKIE: No. She was a perfect angel. She won every competition, even her first one. And after that, it was music and dance classes. She was a real competitor.
BRENNAN: And when she won, it reflected well on you. That way you wouldn’t have to deal with your own physical identity.
JACKIE: I don’t like her.
Angela and Brennan talk about boys (aka Hodgins).
ANGELA: Hodgins asked me out.
BRENNAN: Is that why you’re hiding in here?
ANGELA: I’m not hiding. I need advice.
BRENNAN: What — on a personal matter?
BRENNAN: From me?
BRENNAN: But romance is sort of — This is like me asking you advice on phylogenetic systematics.
ANGELA: Phylogenetic systematics. I have no idea what that is.
ANGELA: Well, I can’t ask Cam.
CAM: Can’t ask Cam what?
BRENNAN: Oh, Hodgins asked Angela out on a date.
BRENNAN: What? Was it a secret? It was a secret.
ANGELA: Wait. You can’t pretend you didn’t hear about this.
CAM: Fine. What’d you tell him?
BRENNAN: Because it would be a disaster.
ANGELA: All of a sudden, you have an opinion on this?
BRENNAN: You should never indulge in a romantic relationship with someone you work with.
CAM: Why not?
BRENNAN: Well, anthropologically…
ANGELA: There’s an anthropological answer?
BRENNAN: An efficient workplace is predicated upon a simple hierarchy. Romance undermines that hierarchy. This is like when I had an affair with my thesis supervisor in college.
CAM: Don’t think we have time for that. I say go.
ANGELA: What about this hierarchical-sexual … ?
CAM: Won’t be an issue. It’s always fun to flirt in the workplace. But out there, when fantasy becomes a reality, it’s a drag.
BRENNAN: What? The date will be bad?
CAM: It will be awful. You’ll both realize it’s not meant to be. There’ll be a couple of days of awkwardness, and then everything goes back to normal.
BRENNAN: If I were you, I’d go with Cam on this one.
ANGELA: Phylogenetic systematics.
B&B investigate the victim’s dance class.
BRENNAN: I always wanted to take dance, but I was so … gawky and uncoordinated.
BOOTH: What? You?
BRENNAN: Later I understood that the gawkiness was caused by an asymmetrical development of the iliac crest.
Oh yeah, that.
Hodgins and Angela reunite.
HODGINS: Hey. Don’t come around again looking for a second chance. That was a one-time offer, baby.
ANGELA: Really. Hmmmmm.
HODGINS: No. What?
HODGINS: No. N-no, no. Not — not really. I mean, it never occurred to me that y-you would — — Okay, now you talk.
ANGELA: I accept — going on a date — with you. Soon.
ANGELA: Wow. That is soon.
HODGINS: I don’t wanna give you time to change your mind. What do you wanna do?
ANGELA: You asked me. Figure it out.
HODGINS: Thank you.
Meanwhile, Brennan is bonding with the little girls in her own Brennan way.
MEGAN: Is that a real skeleton?
BRENNAN: Yes, of a twelve-year-old from the Bronze Age. These bones show she’d already had children.
MEGAN: What killed her?
BRENNAN: Having the children.
LIZA: She should’ve waited to be married before she had sex.
MEGAN: You said “sex.”
Brennan asks about the victim.
MEGAN: Brianna was kind of mean. She said Liza had cankles.
BRENNAN: What are cankles?
MEGAN: Where your calves and your ankles are the same thing.
MEGAN: You had to be friends with her.
LIZA: Because Brianna was the queen.
BRENNAN: So yours was a cultural structure predicated on the equation of beauty with power. You instinctively align yourselves with someone who holds the greatest potential for societal supremacy. It’s … a Darwinian pressure you’re too young to bear.
BOOTH: Okay. Come on, Bones. Up you go. There you go.
MEGAN: You have huge muscles.
BOOTH: Learn anything?
BRENNAN: Yeah, I learned about cankles. How about you?
Hodgins and Angela go on a walk.
HODGINS: Here’s the thing, Angela. I know you’ve been out with a lot of guys.
ANGELA: Hey, you have a different girlfriend twice a month.
HODGINS: Yeah. So imagine the pressure to come up with a date that neither one of us has ever been on before.
ANGELA: So what’s up? We here to walk a dog or something?
HODGINS: I remember what you said … about how you used to feel on a swing.
Brennan wants Booth to feel up a suspect to get evidence.
BRENNAN: Okay, I need to know if her hips are even.
BOOTH: Is that slang, or do you really mean “even”?
BRENNAN: Just stand behind her; place your hands on her hips. Then, move your hands up to her ribcage, gauging if it’s an equal distance on each side.
BOOTH: That’s … so not gonna happen.
Zack and Brennan figure out a way to check via video.
BRENNAN: You might as well let her go, Booth.
ZACK: She has very nice symmetrical buttocks.
Brennan attempts to check the pageant girls for scoliosis.
BRENNAN: Excuse me. It’s okay. I’m a scientist.
PAGEANT CONTESTANT: Molester! Molester!
BOOTH: What are you doing?
BRENNAN: I’m — I’m not a molester. I’m a forensic anthropologist.
BOOTH: Okay. FBI business. Everybody just simmer down.
PAGEANT CONTESTANT: She touched me on my rear!
BRENNAN: No, back and rear have totally different connotations. Point of clarification. I touched her back.
SECURITY GUARD: Look, scientist or not, FBI or not, she can’t just … go around feeling little girls.
BRENNAN: What? I wasn’t feeling like that. That makes me sound like a pervert.
BOOTH: Look, she was just — she was just touching. That’s all.
BRENNAN: I was just … well, examining, really.
BOOTH: Examining, see? Okay, listen, bud, we’re after a murderer here, okay? Doctor Brennan just got a little overly excited …
SECURITY GUARD: How does feeling little girls solve a murder?
BRENNAN: One of them is the murderer.
BOOTH: Okay, look, I know that’s hard to believe.
SECURITY GUARD: You know what? It’s really not.
B&B figure out which girl pushed the victim and wrap up the case. Hodgins and Angela talk.
HODGINS: We didn’t really get a chance to talk today.
ANGELA: Yeah. I was avoiding you.
HODGINS: That whole … swing thing — wasn’t — good enough, right? ’Cause I can do better.
ANGELA: It was perfect.
HODGINS: It was?
ANGELA: Maybe the best date I’ve ever had.
HODGINS: Really. Great. That’s great. Thanks.
HODGINS: That’s not great. How can a great date be not great?
ANGELA: Because it was supposed to fall flat. That way, we’d both know that this wasn’t meant to be …
ANGELA: … and we’d go back to the way we were before.
HODGINS: I don’t like the way it was before.
ANGELA: Look… Brennan is my best friend, and — Zack is — whatever the hell he is, and — when this goes wrong, it — it pulls everybody else into it. And … what the great … date … tells us is … that when it goes wrong —
HODGINS: It’ll go really, really wrong.
ANGELA: So we go back, right?
HODGINS: Sure, friends.
HODGINS: Just one question. What if it doesn’t end that way? What if it doesn’t go wrong?
B&B finish as they always like….with food.
BRENNAN: This is what happened when Rome fell.
BOOTH: What? Uh, people ate stale doughnuts?
BRENNAN: Objectification of women, beauty as self-esteem.
BOOTH: Well, I think, um, you know, some of those kids actually had a good time.
BRENNAN: The girl in the pink could really dance. But then again, Nero could really play the fiddle.
BOOTH: You know, Bones, I like to think that, um, someplace deep inside, people really know what’s important.
BRENNAN: It’s hard to believe when you see women trying to disguise or change themselves.
BRENNAN: I never understood that.
BOOTH: Well, I mean, no, of course you wouldn’t.
BOOTH: Well, it’s just, you know — someone who looks like … you — well, wouldn’t — Just because of the way you look.
BRENNAN: I don’t understand. What — way do I look?
BOOTH: Well, you know, you’re — you’re structured — very well.
BRENNAN: As are you.
BRENNAN: You okay?
BOOTH: It’s just — whew. I just — I remembered that I had an appointment.
BRENNAN: Oh. So, um, I’ll see you tomorrow?
BOOTH: No. You know, you have all the paperwork for the case, right?
BRENNAN: No, I was — I was gonna stay…do it anyway, so —
BOOTH: No. No, I would — you know, it’s our case. I wanna help.
BRENNAN: You don’t have to, Booth.
BOOTH: Bones, just drop it, okay? I’m here to help.
BRENNAN: Well… what about your appointment?
BOOTH: Uh, it’s — you know, it’s no big deal. I’ll tell you what. How about I, ah, order some takeout and I ditch these doughnuts?
BOOTH and BRENNAN: Thai food?
BOOTH: This time, I’m ordering extra mee krob because you ate it last time. All of it.
BRENNAN: What? I thought you were done.
BOOTH: Oh, right. I was done?
BOOTH: You finished all of it.
BRENNAN: I did not. You were pretty focused on the fried rice.
BOOTH: Can we just order? Okay?