MAX: This is fun. Isn’t it fun to meet a new relative, girls?
BRENNAN: So, you’re my cousin, Margaret?
MARGARET: My mother was your mother’s cousin, according to Uncle Max.
MAX: It’s an uncanny resemblance. You’re practically sisters.
BRENNAN: Why… why aren’t you home for Christmas?
MARGARET: This time of year, I prefer to be in Philadelphia, away from my family and all those kids.
BRENNAN: You don’t have children?
MARGARET: “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterward.” I never got to the half-shut part. What’s your excuse?
BRENNAN: For not being married? I don’t have an excuse. I just have very good reasons.
Uh-huh. Protesting too much?
MARGARET: Like what?
BRENNAN: I think that marriage is something you need to have a reason to enter into. I never found that reason.
Wait, I thought she just said she had very good reasons! Get your story straight, girl!
MARGARET: Mmm. I totally agree. “Experience keeps a dear school, but fools learn in no other.”
MAX: You see, Margaret is a big fan of Benjamin Franklin.
MARGARET: Yes. He was the smartest man who ever lived. His advice has never failed me.
BRENNAN: Actually, the person with the highest recorded IQ is Marilyn vos Savant.
MARGARET: Ooh. “Tim was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on.”
BRENNAN: I don’t think this is going to work.
MAX: Listen, family reunions are always awkward.
BRENNAN: Well, do you think this is going well?
MARGARET: Not really. You seem like a bit of a know-it-all.
BRENNAN: Nice to meet you, but I’m going to El Salvador for Christmas. You both are welcome to use my place over the holidays.
MARGARET: “He that won’t be counseled can’t be helped.”
LOL. That’s a pretty good one, Margaret!
MAX: I told you to keep to Ben’s scientific stuff.
Good one, Max! He knows his girls!
Brennan checks in with her partner about this new family development.
BOOTH: So, I’ve decided to take you up on your offer.
BRENNAN: What offer?
BOOTH: Uh, you inviting me to your house for Christmas dinner? … You forgot you invited me.
She was distracted by a half-naked Booth at the time so…forgivable.
BRENNAN: No, it’s just… No! My dad brought by my second cousin and… I really didn’t like her.
BOOTH: Well, that makes sense.
BRENNAN: Why do you say that?
BOOTH: Well, because she’s family. I mean, 90% of the time, family just gets under your skin. That’s the difference between family and friends.
BRENNAN: She’s unapologetically dogmatic. She lives her entire life based on the quotations of Benjamin Franklin.
BOOTH: Maybe she feels the same way about you and your mania for logic.
BOOTH: Okay, enthusiasm. Look, if you ditch this opportunity because a family member annoys you, it just… it just goes with the family territory.
And Booth would know!
Brennan attempts to bond with her cousin/sister.
MARGARET: You’re not going to El Salvador for Christmas?
MARGARET: You don’t strike me as someone who’s flexible about their schedule.
BRENNAN: Well, I took advice from someone who knows more about families than I do.
MARGARET: “He that raises a large family does stand a broader mark for sorrow, but then, stands a broader mark for pleasure as well.”
BRENNAN: Well, that’s sort of what he said, but without the pleasure part.
Enter the “someone” who gave Brennan life advice.
BOOTH: Nice tree. Oh, wow, who is this, your sister?
BRENNAN: No, uh… my second cousin.
MARGARET: I’m Margaret.
BRENNAN: There’s no resemblance.
BOOTH: What do you mean? You’re both very beautiful.
MARGARET: “Beauty and folly are old companions.”
BRENNAN: Told you… Benjamin Franklin.
BOOTH: Right, right. Hey, hey! Good old Ben, you know, he invented electricity and the hundred dollar bill.
MARGARET: Neither one of those things is true.
BOOTH: You’re right, there’s no resemblance whatsoever. Nice meeting you, Maggie.
BRENNAN: Bye, Booth.
BOOTH: See ya.
BRENNAN: Uh, that’s my partner. He’s FBI.
MARGARET: His eyes are too small to be really handsome.
BRENNAN: Well, I have to admit, I… find him pleasing to look at.
As do we all, Brennan.
Cut to the Christmas dinner.
SWEETS: I’m not here for baby Jesus; I’m here for Agent Booth.
CAM: Ah, that explains the antlers.
SWEETS: It was a moment of whimsy.
ANGELA: So you think that we should feel like big, giant losers that we’re not spending Christmas with family?
HODGINS: There’s more than one kind of family.
The theme of the whole series.
BOOTH: Hey. That’s too much salt there, that’s too much salt.
MARGARET: “He that would fish must venture his bait.”
BOOTH: Bones, when are we gonna eat? I’m starving.
BRENNAN: Well, right now…If Booth wants to fish, he’ll fish. What on earth are you trying to say?
MAX: Honey, families always give unwanted advice.
BRENNAN: Unwanted advice? You… you have to stop quoting Benjamin Franklin at me.
BRENNAN: Well, I have no evidence of this, but I feel that every time you do that, it’s not actually communication. I feel the same way when people tell jokes.
MARGARET: Hmm. I never thought of it that way.
BRENNAN: I’d rather hear what you have to say than Benjamin Franklin.
MARGARET: That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
Brennan is learning to mix in some Boothy empathy in with her own honesty.
MAX: Tempe. This is your gathering. Wouldn’t you like to say something?
BRENNAN: Oh, um…Thank you, everyone, for coming. Let’s eat.
MAX: No. I-I mean, would you like to say something about Christmas?
BRENNAN: Okay. Um, Christmas has its roots in the pagan festival of Saturnalia, which is traditionally celebrated by intoxication, naked singing and the consumption of human-shaped biscuits.
BOOTH: I think what Bones is trying to say here is that we’re all just happy that we are all together.
BRENNAN: Well, we’re all together every day.
MARGARET: Not me. No, I’m not here every day.
MAX: Well, it’s a different kind of together.
BOOTH: To family… friends… lovers… family… and food.
BRENNAN: You said “family” twice. It’s repetitious.
BOOTH: It’s a good toast, though. Cheers. Okay?
ALL: Cheers, Merry Christmas.
BOOTH: All right.
MARGARET: What do we do now?
BOOTH: Ah, let’s say a prayer.
BRENNAN: No, no prayer, not in my place.
BOOTH: Bones, I always pray.
BRENNAN: Maybe just a moment of silence.
BOOTH: Hold hands.
Family, friends, togetherness…Bones Christmas.